Sometimes Following Your Intuition Can Be Really Fun ... 'Cause There's Jewelry and Other Cool Stuff

So, today I'm packing for another business trip tomorrow. As I was looking at my jewelry, I realized that I don't really have enough small, professional earrings, which is why I wore the same pair all last week.

I love jewelry and I especially love earring because, well, they always fit.
When you've lost and gained, lost and gained, mostly gained as much weight as I have ... it's important to have things you love that fit. When I moved to Florida, I took 15 to 20 crates full of my fat to skinny/skinny to fat clothes. At any given time, I can't wear the majority of the clothes I own.

In any case, the result is that I have a lot of really cool earrings, which means they are too big, too funky, too odd for a client site. I also have some big, long necklaces because I'm ... big and long. The combination of big or funky earring and big necklaces is ... not good.

So, today, while I was desperate to get out of the house after working, packing, doing laundry, I had a whole plan. A plan which didn't include this podunk little fair here in town that I only found out about yesterday.

Anglea Boswell, the fantastic owner of Dream Angels told me that she was going to have a booth at this little fair yesterday after my reading. I helped her pack up. 

So, as I was running errands, I felt that I should go to that fair before I went to the beach. (I have to see the ocean before I get on yet another plane tomorrow!). I had to ask why and the answer I heard from my angels, spirit, whomever, was "earrings!"

When I arrived, I walked around mostly trying to block out the unbelievably loud band and not get eaten alive by noceums. I'd walked the whole place, said "Hi!" to Angela, and sort of wondered. Then, I saw about three pairs of earrings at this booth.

The woman was just setting up and pointed me to a bin she had just put out on the table. They were absolutely PERFECT!! I bought 12 pair for $50 and they are so perfect for my trip; I'm so excited!

While I was picking earring for the trip, I could feel my Mom come through (my Mom is dead) to give my sister in California a pair. My older sister and I are a bit estranged at the moment. She cut the family out of her wedding, it's a whole thing, and I couldn't let it go. I've forgiven her and I know my Mom wants us to make peace.

On the first day of my new job, I was so overwhelmed that I got lost on the way home. I kept crossing over the highway at points where there was no access ramp. As I was trying to process why I was going to California, I passed this HUGE billboard that said "SISTERS!"

That was my first inkling of my Mom's involvement.

I'm trying to make arrangements to visit my sister next week. Just now, I was looking through the earrings to pick a pair and I felt it when a pair came up. I literally said out loud, "MOM!" because they were my favorite pair. Typical sister shit! Ha ha ha!

A Spirit in the Corporate World

This morning while prepping in the hotel lobby for Round Two of all day meetings (and only my third full day on the job), I heard Spirits in the Material World by the Police. It made me laugh because it was the only actual song I heard in the 30 minutes I sat there. The rest was background, elevator music.



It's the essence of what I'm going through now. I had all this time off to get to know myself and my spirit  without distractions and now BOOM! I'm back in the bewildering, exhausting, and soul-sucking corporate world. And my goal this time is to not get ... um ... sucked. *~*

I must employ a healthy detachment from this world, the corporate world, and recognize that my world is elsewhere.

I've been reminded to remember that this world is all an illusion, but that is not going to fly with me. Ever. I've been hearing it for over a decade and "It's all an illusion" is like a tinfoil in the tooth to me as I chow down on spirituality.

I'll never swallow it. I don't believe it.

What people are getting at with that observation is that this world is not the most real, not the ultimate truth about you or your existence. Your 3D experiences are real, but not as real as the soul inside interpreting those experiences.

The whole spiritual journey is to identify with the soul inside and not your physical address. The difference between ultimate reality and a lesser or lower reality does not make the lower reality an illusion.

Have you ever been punched in the gut? I have and it's pretty real.

Have you ever merged with Creator? I have and it makes a punch in the gut ... all blurry and vague. I have gone to Creator, my angels, my spirit so full of 3D questions and angst only to have them fade away like vapor when I truly connect. [Only to return and shout, "Crap! I didn't ask anything I was supposed to!" I'm starting to wonder if forgetting those material questions is that answer in itself ... ]

So, this morning, while wading back into a former reality of mine, a reality I let eclipse my spiritual path many times, it was a nice reminder to remember that the material world is just an experience but not my essence, not my ultimate truth.

It's time to hold fast in the hurricane as 3D "reality" crashes around me.

Sometimes You Don't Need Your Angels to Tell You ....

Sooo, even though Idid just land a great job, all of my job alerts are still on. I just checked them and there is a position in my field and industry where I have the most expertise. I had just finished meditating and, being connected, I could hear my angels say, "This is not the job for you."

So, I clicked on it anyway of course and the first bullet point I see is:

"Must have high level of interpersonal skills to handle sensitive and confidential situations. Position continually requires demonstrated poise, tact and diplomacy."

Yeah, that's not me.

I'd like to think that I would have figured this out on my own anyway, but thanks anyway Angels! :D

This is my Message to You - hoo - hoo

I have had an anxiety problem for so long that I didn't know I had an anxiety problem until recently. Ain't that some shit?!

Well, today is my second day on my new job and I spend it in the airport, flying out to California for a business trip ... in front of clients.


Wellll, I was handling the anxiety this would give anyone ... no, actually, I am. As the two lives I seem to be living would have it, I spent all day yesterday at an Angel workshop ... also in Fort Lauderdale. Hmmm...

Anyway, I think that set me up quite nicely for this week!

All day, I have been thanking my angels and thanking my angels and I keep hearing this song.

Of course, I am. However, the key line is "every little thing is gonna be alright" because the habit I am releasing seems to keep coming up with stupid little things to worry about.

Thank you Angels! I got your message to me - hee - hee.

Coming Full Circle ... All the Way to the Bank

Today was my first official day at my new job. It's been four months since I received a paycheck for my labor. I actually got the check yesterday, which I blogged about. When I woke up, that Chumbawumba song that goes, "I get knocked down, but I get up again..."

At the time, I was like WTH?! And then I realized that it's the perfect song for today. I did get knocked down and get back up. I have had a few fantastic readings with Angela Boswell from Dream Angels in Jupiter, Fl. She uses these beautiful tarot cards and the falling Tower has come up in many positions and it was obvious to both of us that my life was falling apart. Not much intuition needed for that one!

I moved to Florida in November after two years of desperately wanting to move. It took me about a year to admit to anyone that I wanted to move and then another year + to find a job here. During that time, people kept asking if I would move without a job and I was horrified. NO! Of course, I would only move if I had a job.

Well, I got one. I moved. I got fired three months later.

It was kind of mutual because they were fucktards of the highest order and I couldn't believe I moved here for that ... but still I was left with no income, in a new place where I knew one person. Shit yeah! I got knocked down. And I was stunned, hurt, and scared shitless.

I think it took me three weeks just to get over the shock.

They walked me out!
They walked me OUT?
THEY walked ME out?!?!?
They walked me out.

I had to pack up my desk with no warning and in front of the whole office. My hands were shaking so bad I could hardly sign the agreement. They gave me no reason. No warning. And ensured me that no one would watch me clear out my desk...


which of course just made it so much worse.

Because they all knew. They had been told that I would be walked out that morning. It explained why they all looked through me ... as though I wasn't there. And why the woman who had stabbed me in the back to ensure that I was walked out left the office with some weird, twitchy explanation at 11am.  (She was such a weird, twitchy one that I barely noticed.)

The guy who hired me looked at me as though I was a piece of shit on his shoe and said "[woman who stabbed me in the back] and I agree that we need to..."

There's more to this story, but that will be another blog.

Well, today, a wild confluence events had me driving through that parking lot again ... today ... on my first day of my new job. A job I was never sure I would get.

To summarize, I definitely wanted to deposit my first check ASAP and one of the only places I can do that is a credit union around the corner from the fucktards' office. Credits unions use this thing called "shared branching" when you move out of the vicinity of your credit union ... but it's only certain credit unions. Hence, the location of one of the only places I could deposit that check.

I'm still not sure how to describe how I felt when driving past the scene of my firing/layoff/whatever the hell that was. It wasn't quite the victory you'd think ... or I had always thought it would be. All I could think of was how eager I was to drive past and get on with the rest of my day.

Ironically, the most hurtful part of the day was that I posted to FaceBook that I woke up with that Chumbawumba song in my head and how perfect for my first day back and no one, not a single one of my friends liked it or commented or anything. Just like no one wished me Happy Birthday! on my birthday this past November just after I moved.

Angela explained that they are jealous because they believe my jokes. Talk about full circle.

They think because I joke about life, it's easy for me and it's not easy for me. And I must not even be grateful for it because I make jokes. Doesn't anyone know that if I didn't learn to make jokes and laugh through pain, I would have blown my brains out years ago? I'd be one of those women who have to be removed from their trailers with a crane.

I guess it's the price of being funny.

By the way, if you doubt my theory on joking your way through suicidal thoughts so that you don't actually kill yourself, listen to Paul Gilmartin's podcast.

"Say 'Thank You!' Gilbert"

...is my favorite line from the awesome movie What's Eating Gilbert Grape? (I was trying to find a clip on YT, but it's taking forever.)

It comes to mind because I recently had an epiphany regarding how to interact with my angels involving the phrase "Thank you."

I was listening to an interview with Kyle Gray where he said that he walks his talk everyday by saying "Thank you Angels for [fill in the blank]."

Now, this isn't the first time that I have heard this message or, rather, this methodology. What struck me was why it was so effective. Something that had never occurred to me before.

In the past, when I heard people saying (or suggesting saying), "Thank you Angels for guiding me." for instance, they have described the value of this methodology by saying that you are affirming that it is already done. And I think that just tripped my bullshit wire. Or my WTF does that mean? wire. Some wire, somewhere and I ignored it.

When I heard it again the other day, though, I realized why it works: receiving.

In addition to the fact that gratitude always feels better than a bad attitude, there is something programmed into all of us to say "thank you" when we receive something.

Well, those of us of a certain age anyway. I've run into some younger people who ... oh forget that. That's a whole other blog and I am being positive right now. :)

To say "Thank you, Angels," "Thank you, guides," "Thank you, spirit," is put yourself in the mind of having received something without ANY EXTRA WORK AT ALL! It just happens. You're brain believes something has been received when you say "thank you."

If you are like me, receiving is a huge issue. When you grow up deprived, you ask for a lot of things you don't get until you just give up and learn to suffer in silence believing that nothing and no one is coming to help you, which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and the same cycle keeps repeating.

Doreen Virtue and most spiritual teachers harp on the fact that you need to ask for help and this is true.

But a lot of us did a lot of asking and not getting when we were growing up. To ask now just brings that hurt to the surface. The neglected child's motto, "Don't ask and you can't be disappointed." This is why we don't ask or get sketchy results when we do. We ask expecting to receive nothing and nothing is often what we get.

Not because the Angels, Guides, and Spirit aren't there.
Not because they don't love us.
Not because they don't hear us.
Not because they don't want to help us or are too wrapped up in their messy personal lives like our parents were.

Nothing comes back because we expect nothing from all those times we asked for something and got nothing in return.

And this just makes us angrier, and more bitter, and more ... trapped.

You can try to reprogram your whole mind, release this pattern, release this sadness. And God knows that I have spent many years (and many thousands of dollars) doing just that. However ... it's like climbing Everest: long, arduous, and you keep wondering if you are ever going to reach the top.

OR

You can use the mind you already have with all its quirks while you're working it all out. One of its quirks is "thank you" means I just received something and it's done. Just like that. For free!

The difference between asking for help and saying "thank you" for help may seem like nothing, but it's everything is asking means you ask in vain and thanking means you get the help you were asking for.

I have made this switch in the past few days and it is such a big difference to me.

Just this morning I was confused about a flight for an upcoming business trip and I said, "Thank you Angels for letting me know whether to fly back on Friday or Saturday." I heard "Friday" plainly and clearly. Just like that. For free! So Friday it is and I am not going to think about it anymore.

So, next time you need something, say "thank you" for it first and then wait for it to show up.

Because it will; you tricked your mind into believing it and that's how the angels can plug into you and send all that light to you.

All my love to you, Internet world.

Positive Signs

A good friend of mine just sent me a really thoughtful email informing me that if I'm going to assert my right to be negative and spiritual then I shouldn't be surprised if some people respond negatively. And, you know what?

She was totally right!

I just never thought of it that way. Her email seems like the perfect segue-way to record a beautiful experience that I had today.

As I've recorded I just started working this week after four months off ... well, being unemployed. It's hard to describe unemployed time off as ... time off. "Time off" sounds like a vacation and that's not how being unemployed feels ... most of the time.

Anyway, I got a paycheck today! I agreed to volunteer before my official start date because my official start date involves a business trip ... that I need to prepare for!

I'm going in for what I thought was my first volunteer day tomorrow ... and they already paid me for it! The 15th of the month is coming up, so they must have submitted it in time for the service to cut a check.

As I was walking out to my car this morning (after receiving the check), I saw this beautiful tiny white feather floating in front of me. It was just suspended slowly in front of me for what seemed like ... ever and I was struck suddenly by the beauty of it all and how grateful I am.

What a beautiful sign. Thank you Angels!!




See, I can be positive ... when I mean it! :D <3