Friday, June 7, 2013

The Positive Police

The positive police pulled me over for another violation today.

It started with a cupcake. A vegan, gluten-free, chai-flavored cupcake. Yes, you read that right. Someone made that and then someone decided to sell that. I know because I processed the transaction.

Well, I just had to post the following to FaceBook:

I just sold the most disgusting cupcake I never thought of: vegan, gluten-free, chai. To my palette, that's like biting into baked vomit.
Wow. That post is even more harmless than I thought. I didn't mention the yoga center where I sold it, the brand, or make some blanket statement about vegan cupcakes. I just said that I think they're disgusting. Well, I was tactful there, but, here, I'll say it: vegan cupcakes are disgusting. And chai is even worse.

One of my very close friends once spent several hours making chai tea from scratch for me ... and I had to look her in the eye and say, "Honey, I love you, but I almost barfed that up my nose." And she had spent hours making it, out of love. If I'm going to be that honest with someone I love, what the hell am I going to say upon encountering a vegan chai cupcake?!

The gluten-free part is fine. I have had some gluten-free waffles that are the best breakfast food I have ever tasted. But chai? And any vegan baked item? Disgusting. I didn't even mention the yoga center until I got to the comments where I remarked that "sale" was not really an accurate term because it cost $4.

I would like to say that I was very nice to the person I sold it to. I just said, "Wow, that's an interesting combination." She said it was yummy and that was that.

Well, today I get called in by the owner of studio so that she could tell me that she was uncomfortable with my FaceBook post about the cupcake. WTF?!


  • First of all, why does she care what I put on my own personal FaceBook page? I thought it was odd when she said she wanted to be personal friends with me on FaceBook. Why is that necessary? To police my posts.
  • Secondly, I didn't mentioned where I sold it or who made it.
I mentioned that I have a running joke with a friend about how gross vegan cupcakes are (She loves 'em!) and thought it would be funny to see her respond with "Sounds delicious!" and the battle could rage on.
We just want to make sure that everyone speaks positively about each other. This is a single-mother who is supporting herself and throwing her all into this business. Think about if you were some kid who couldn't have gluten and you could have a cake. And that was all you could have. I'd just like you to broaden your perspective on that. I don't want to carry this around so now I feel better for having told you.
What the hell was that? I think vegan cupcakes are disgusting and now I'm out to destroy a single-mom's business and literally steal cake from a baby?

This shit has got to stop. I do not have to speak in a positive manner about things I feel negatively about. That is not life and that is not spiritual in any way. Policing opinions to only speak positively is just a ... cancer on new age spirituality.

If I wasn't a true believer, this would not bother me so much. This would just be a blog post making fun of another new age kook and that would be it.

However, I am a true believer with a ton of deep spiritual experiences that I have yet to get to in this blog. In fact, just prior to this "discussion," the Divine Mother and my own deceased mother had come to me during the meditation at the end of the yoga class. They each put one hand on either side of my face and looked me in the eye to convey how proud they were of me for deciding to take the riskier path in my career. That they believed in me so I should too. I felt so much love that I damn near wept in front of everyone.

THAT is what's real. THAT is the power of spirituality and, more importantly, spiritual practice.
  • I do not speak in only positive terms about everything no matter what I really feel.
  • I am not skinny.
  • I do not eat vegan.
  • I do not to do yoga in tiny little spandex "outfits" and $40 camisoles.
  • I do not stare if into space like I just dropped in from another planet and spout nonsense about karma or dharma or whatever.

AND I DON'T HAVE TO! These are not requirements on the path to God. Enlightenment doesn't come from this kind of nonsense. If fact, it keeps enlightenment at bay and prevents people from even trying. It turns the spiritual path into a joke. I tell a lot of jokes and I know funny, but this is not funny to me at all.

You do not need to eat vegan cupcakes to hear your angels, your guides, or your Creator. You can be loud, inappropriate, and a total mess and Creator is still eager to connect. Fuck it, you can even curse like I do and it's not going to stop Divine Mother from dropping in with a blessing.

And you know what? The positive police are just afraid of their own negativity. That's why they police everyone else. To connect to Source is to be unafraid of darkness or negative feelings because Source gives you the strength to cope with them and, more importantly release them.

How is policed positivity any different from the dogma of the churches we all grew up in? Don't offend God's ears! As if that's even possible. It this is how we're going to be, let's just be crazy Christians. I don't know about you, but I think I could rock one of those bedazzled crucifixes on the back pockets of my jeans. Well, when I've lost enough weight to fit into my jeans ... but I digress.

My point is that we're supposed to know better. We're supposed to put it into practice. We're not supposed to say we're helping people find themselves by asking them to become someone else. Someone who only speaks in positive terms about everything when their depression is about to swallow them up. It doesn't help and it would be laughable if it wasn't so damn sad.